>In Defense of Evil

>Let me begin by saying that I hate the New York Yankees. I hate everything about them, and I will always hate them. I hate how Alex Rodriguez’s phoniness is so obvious that it oozes from my TV, I hate Mark Teixeira’s emotionless robot-stares, and I especially hate Derek Jeter’s unnecessary jump-throw thing that makes people think he’s a good shortstop. I hate that bleating goat John Sterling, I hate the bleacher creature roll-call, I hate the cocky way Robinson Cano chews his bubble gum whenever he jogs out a ground-ball, and I hate whoever invented the term “True Yankee”. Watching the Yankees celebrate winning the World Series was like watching a lost alternate ending to Return of the Jedi where the final scene is Darth Vader, Emperor Palpatine, and Kate Hudson spraying each other with champagne after defeating the Rebel Alliance. The World Series left me and every kindred soul that enjoys sunshine and happiness and puppies feeling cold and empty inside.

That being said, I don’t hate the 2009 Yankees for trying to win. Yes, they spent the most money, but they were also the best team in baseball, an offensive juggernaut that scored the most runs, hit the most home runs, and I must admit that a tiny part of me was glad to see the best team win. GM Brian Cashman assembled this orgy of talent last winter by bringing in the two best free agent pitchers, as well a switching-hitting gold-glove robot to play first base. They indeed spent a disgusting amount of money in the process, but it doesnt make any sense to call the Yankees evil for trying to win. The decade old argument against the Yankees is that they are somehow at fault for having a payroll 52 million dollars higher than any other team, that they are evil for spending whatever it takes to win, and that they are cheating the other teams by doing so. There is nothing wrong with what the Yankees do. They take in more money than any other team, so why wouldn’t they use that to their advantage? It would be foolish, and perhaps even unjust towards their legions of stormtrooper fans, for them not to spend away. Major League Baseball allows the Yankees to spend as much as they please, and its not the Yankee’s job to worry about anyone else.

The real fault lies in the unfair system that allows a team playing in the massive market of New York City to compete financially with teams from smaller markets, like Milwaukee and Kansas City, that have no means of leveling the playing field. It’s like letting LeBron James play on a youth basketball team. This is not to say that the mindless spending of money guarantees victory (just ask the New York Mets), but that massive resources well spent becomes an unbeatable combination. Fifteen of the last sixteen teams to make the postseason out of the AL East have been the Yankees and Red Sox, because they are able to spend more money than the other teams, because they have front offices that spend money intelligently, and because they have the ability to outspend whatever mistakes they make (Kei Igawa) that would financially cripple other teams. The Toronto Blue Jays are buried beneath a glut bad contracts, and will likely have to trade Roy Halladay or watch him sign elsewhere next year because they cannot afford to keep him. In 2008, the Florida Marlins spent less money on their entire team than the Yankees did on Alex Rodriguez. The Milwaukee Brewers watched CC Sabathia waddle over to the New York last winter because they weren’t able to offer him a contract anywhere near the one the Yankees threw at him. The financial giants of baseball have a tremendous advantage over the smaller teams, and the Yankees are the tallest, ugliest giant in the land of giants. But again, the Yankees are doing nothing wrong by using every advantage available to them. Should Mariano Rivera stop throwing his cutter because no one can hit it? Should Alex Rodriguez not be allowed to bat anymore because he can hit a home-run on any pitch? Why should the Yankees be blamed for their spending when it is allowed by the rules of MLB? The Yankees aren’t cheating, they are just the team best equipped to win.

So don’t hate the Yankees for their spending. Hate them for other reasons. Mock Sabathia’s weight and his presumably perpetually greasy fingers, mock how high and oddly shaped Derek Jeter’s hair line is, and mock Nick Swisher’s general aura of douchiness. Enjoy hating them, because its fun to boo and hiss the villains. But don’t hate the Yankees for trying to win, because they play by the same rules as every other team. Hate the system that allows them to have such a massive head start.

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